News Today In Usa

The Shining Wit and Wisdom of Bill Maher

Through an exclusive cross-posting agreement with The Stuffington Roast, we are pleased to present Bill Maher's latest blog post. Please. Don't gush. You can thank us later.


Republicans = Scientologists, Democrats = Rilly, Rilly Cool
One aspect of Scientology, as explained to me by my good friend Tom Cruise, is to go off on anyone dissing Dianetics. And by go off, I mean a willingness to engage in all kinds of evil stuff. Such as launching into verbal tirades on Oprah. And getting really snooty at big Hollywood parties, like the ones I attend on an all-too-frequent basis.

I'm not sure how this applies to Rebublicans, but suffice it to say that members of the GOP are evil. Pretty much all of Hollywood feels that way. At least, that's what I've picked up so far from talking to lots of smart folks like Babs Streisand, Michael Moore, and Susan Sarandon. Need some examples?

When an election is close, Republicans graciously concede instead of whining, seething, and demanding recounts! Where's the fun in that? The GOP takes all of the emotion out of the post-election chaos that Democrats prefer.

And when it comes to election shenanigans, the Republicans are absolute pikers! Where are the GOP equivalents of groups like ACORN to engage in vote fraud, tire-slashing, registering dead voters, and paying for votes with crack cocaine? It's like they're not even trying to cheat!

How about sex scandals? Mark Foley, that big chicken, resigned immediately after admitting to an inappropriate IM conversation with a Congressional page. Hell, Democrat Gerry Studds not only had real sex with pages, but he went on to serve five more terms. Now, that's what I call chutzpah! You won't see that sort of stick-to-it-iveness in any Republicans, I'd wager.

And what about giving terrorists a fair shake? Patriot Act, Shmatriot Act! The Republicans don't seem to give a rat's ass about terrorists' basic rights. They've invented myths like the Jihadi menace to suppress dissent. Witness the arrests of the Dixie Chicks back in August.

And -- big deal -- if a couple of nukes go off in some major American cities, I'll take my Playstation 3 down to the basement bunker of my secluded Hollywood Hills estate, fire up the generator, and wait it out while some idiot Green Beret-types take it out on the bad guys. The good news about nukes going off? It'll finally demonstrate just how right we Liberals are about the evil Rebublicans. They'll have gotten exactly what they deserve for their imperialistic behavior.

And another thing: the resulting nuclear winter will force an immediate halt to global warming.

Maher out.


Thanksgiving-day good readin', just like Mama used to make:
Anchoress: I hope it's Good for You
Blue Crab Boulevard: Facing Fact
Hugh Hewitt: The Joy of YouTube: WKRP
Michelle Malkin: What US Journalists should be Thankful for
OTB: Beltway Traffic Jam
Rick Moran: Lebanon Update
STACLU: A Thanksgiving Message
Telegraph: New technology catches Hitler off guard
Wizbang: Trying to make money? Did you forget you're in Massachusetts?
YouTube: Netanyahu on Bill Maher Show