News Today In Usa

Super-secret transcript from NSA Surveillance Program

You can't breathe a word of this to anyone, but we've gotten our hands on another transcript from the NSA terrorist surveillance program. Shhhhhh... let's listen in.



'ello?


Mahmoud, baby, it's me - John Conyers!


Hehe. Hugo, you can't pull the woolen underwear over my eyes! Your voice is as distinctive as a toot in the Mullahs' chambers!


Hey, I just wanted to say congratulations on your Commissioner's speech last night. That was gold, Mahmoud! Gold!


You mean, "the Democrats' victory in the US election will prepare the ground for a smoother exit of Americans from the Iraq quagmire created by President Bush"?


That's the one. Where do you get that material? I can't find anything of that quality. My speechwriters keep dying off...


You must read my favorite reference for this sort of thing: The Collected Works of Ted Kennedy. No one has mastered the language of American defeat and depression quite like Ol' Tipsy. *Sigh* Remember when he called Iraq an "intractable quagmire?" Sheer poetry.


You're right - he's the Robert Frost of liquored-up Senators.


Hey, there was never any proof that he was drunk during the Chappadquidick Incident!


No proof other than the missing car, the dead girl, and the ten hours he waited to report it to police -- oops -- hold on, I've got another call.


'Allo?


Jacques! Let me patch you in, Mahmoud's on the line.


Bon, good, good.


Hey, we're all on the line here. Jacques, what's up, diggety-dawg?


Just wanted to say congratulations to you both on the Democratic victory! You guys really contributed: Hugo, your UN performance comparing Bush to the devil... and Mahmoud's brilliant sabotaging of Iraq's democracy... this is a fantastic day!


Why, thank you, Jacques. I'm... blushing...


You guys knew the Democrats couldn't wait to start sabotaging the war effort! Voting against the war before voting for it. Brilliant! And then with some help from the American media...


Some help? Mahmoud, how much are you paying the Times? Is this some kind of oil-for-op-eds program? I mean, every editorial that Dowd, Rich, and Herbert wrote for the last six years has been anti-administration! They've got to be getting paid!


Heck, no! They do it for free! They hate Bush. I just send 'em an email with some suggestions and nine out of ten times, there's an op-ed the next day!


Sacré bleu! That Maureen Dowd... what a vixen! All I know is, with the Democratic victory, we're so happy here in France, we're burning cars to celebrate!


There's only one thing I... I fear.


What's that?


Well, you've got the possibility of Nancy Pelosi reverting to her ultra-liberal ways, the Democrats trying to impeach Bush, and them screwing up an excellent economy...


...and, you mean, if they screw things up? What do you fear?


Three words:


President. Newt. Gingrich.


Cheesus! Don't even joke about that. I nearly wet my pants!


Hat tips: Gateway Pundit and Larwyn

Piping-hot good readin', just like Mama used to make:
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Hugh Hewitt: Tony Snow on Tuesday's Vote, Judges, and Immigration
Outside the Beltway: Mehlman out as RNC Chair
Rick Moran: Allen graciously concedes
STACLU: Republican Purge Continues as Dems Assume Leadership Role
Wizbang: A Tribute to Donald Rumsfeld